Yes, i feel unwell.
since yesterday, feel like dying.
will feel breathless out of a sudden.
after that feel like vomiting.
chest totally cramped up, yes, you guessed it, headache next.
like i'm lack of air, totally got me suffocated.
I don't know what to do.
just let it be?
even now, i feel very cramped.
the feeling is inbearable, makes me want to cry.
and i am super clumsy now-a-days.
why?
because i lack of energy.
lack of energy = hitting till hands, kicking till sharp edges.
really painful.
but there's nothing i can do.
i could not tell my body to "provide" me with more air so that i can breath.
i cannot tell my chest to stop hurting.
i cannot ask my head to cure the pain.
i cannot do so.
Out of no where, even in the sjab room, i feel very stuffed up.
oh, i feel like dying.
yes, i really feel like dying if this continues.
i cannot sleep at night.
i cannot concentrate.
i don't feel like talking, when people talk to me i will just feel like ignoring them.
seriously, i so hate this feeling.





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what can i reply to it?
i don't know.
i don't know what i should say, what i should feel, what i should think.
i'm trying to let you get the ______.
but i don't think you really got it.
you would only say things that let ___ _____.
how? what do you want me to do?
i could not possible ____ with ___, cause i __________ you.
i get the quotes that you said, just that i really am speechless.
you know, everything i say, everytime, i would think of how you would respond to it,
whether you will be sad or not, then i will reply to you.
cause maybe i have let you become more and more emotional?
i don't know.
i know that you will emo all those very easily.
and i DONTLIKE to be the cause of it.
whenever i knew(even if you never say, i will know its because of me) its because of me,
do you know how guilty i felt?
how i wish i can disappear from this situation?
how can i respond to it? i'm not those people who can be straightforward.
i'm not those who will be able to ignore what a person thinks.
i am those who is NOT straightforward, don't know how to react to situations,
and ALWAYS think of how people will feel after i say something.
know what? i don't feel like caring anymore, i am tired.
i know, i caused you all these misery, i made you sad everytime (esp nowadays).
but the problem is i don't know what to do anymore!
so i just did what the first thing that came into my mind.
ignore , dont know how to react/how to answer, ignore .
what i want to say, i can't say.
what i want to feel, i can't feel.
what i want to think, i can't think.
torture to me, you know?
new past